The Day She Came...

Our Sweet Molly Ann Ellison

May 7th was the day of Molly’s due date.  Danny (my wonderfully handsome husband) Abby and Emma (my amazingly sweet and warm hearted bonus daughters) and I were waiting in anticipation for our beautiful new family member Molly to make her grand entrance into our arms and change our hearts forever!  Since I was 40 weeks along, I wanted her to come so bad so we decided to have fun!  I did not get dangerous but I decided to go out to the back yard and climb my 40 week pregnant body onto the trampoline and jump a little just to see if I could make her progress since I had been at a 1.5 dilation for several weeks.  Danny and I jumped and laughed as we eventually laid on the trampoline and watched the lightning and talked about the sweet moments from our past and the possibility of a bright future with this sweet child all the while enjoying the present moment we were sharing. We even noticed that a garden snake was enjoying the evening beneath the trampoline, at which point we moved our anticipatory actions indoors.

That night at 11:26PM I started having pretty painful contractions and they continued and progressed in pain throughout the night!  We then found ourselves strolling into the delivery room at 5am with contractions close and a long blissful day ahead of us.  

The feeling of this being THE DAY was so overwhelming! I opted out of having the epidural so for 14 hours Danny and Jennifer Blessing (My Sweet friend acting as my Doula for the day) helped me BREATHE and labor through the contractions.  My sweet husband held me around the shoulders and allowed me to bury my head in his chest while Jennifer told me to breathe and rubbed my back and helped adjust the music (Kari Jobe was the only thing that kept me calm) and helped me keep everyone out when I felt like I needed time away from visitors.  They were both so calm and encouraging the whole day.  

We (Danny and I) had a moment at the beginning of the day where we had one last family of four treasured time together before we were a new and completed FIVE! I had made both Abby and Emma a book of pictures from their baby years all the way to this year and it included a lot of the fun times we had had together.  Danny and I expressed our love for them to them and told them how special they are going to be in Mollys life!  We explained how important they are and how we all get to start new memories with Molly in them from that day forward .  Danny and I enjoyed watching them look at their books and talking about all of the fun times we had shared with one another over the years!  Abby and Emma waited so patiently with family the entire day for Molly to come. Emma’s little 6 year-old focus was actually on Ranger, our family’s recently adopted-out dog.

I had the best nurse her name was Amanda.  She helped me in so many ways both emotionally and physically and I have no doubt that she was sent by God to befriend me that day!  Amanda bought Jennifer and Danny a coffee and brought it to them after hours of labor and I was at the point of nausea so I remember Danny holding me and his breath was making me more nauseated because it smelled like coffee so I hastily said “you need an altoid”!  Danny left my side to go and get the altoid and I hastily said “Come back I need you quick” before he even made it to the altoids. Poor guy...he didn’t know what to do.  He told me he started holding his head up so that he did not make me sick.  He was so sweet all day.  I prayed a billion times for God to help me through each contraction and for the baby to be safe and they prayed as well while we listened to Kari Jobe on the iPod the whole time (thanks to Jennifer for having her CD). I tried to listen to other music but none of it worked like Kari!  14 hours of HARD labor I was at a 7 and 100% effaced the Dr. came in the room and informed me that Molly was not far enough in the birthing canal and her heart rate was dropping so I needed to either try an epidural (which he did not feel would work because of how far she still had to go) or a C-Section.  I did not ask for any of these two things and honestly I was heartbroken because I was trying so hard and had made it so far with nothing but hard work and good help.  I cried and asked if I had time to talk with Danny.  After talking to my sweet Danny and my awesome blessing Jennifer I was encouraged to try the epidural.  After I told them I was going to get an epidural it seemed like forever before it was ready...I was in the worst pain I had ever been in before so when the decision was made I was ready for it.  The anesthesiologist came in and put the epidural in and the neatest thing is I could still feel my legs, feet, toes, and the contractions, they just were not that painful!  30 minutes after the angel anesthesiologist came in I along with the Dr were amazed that it was already time to push.  The Dr said are you sure you have an epidural because you are able to push hard.  I remember feeling proud because I felt strong :)  1.5 hours at 9:34PM my sweet Molly Ann was here!!!!!!! I could not believe it!  He (the Dr.) allowed Danny to cut the cord and then placed my sweet baby girl on my chest making me more proud than I had ever been in the world. Molly cried when the Dr held her, but she didn’t make a peep once she was on my chest.  I had immediately FORGOTTEN about the disappointment of having to get the epidural and the struggle of labor...and I basked in the moment of MOTHERHOOD!  I remember my husbands look on his face as he looked at her in amazement!

Thank you all both family and friends for continually praying for us as we stepped into this next chapter of our lives and together embraced the reality of a deeper kind of love! We love this little miracle so much!  

I now truly believe that God shows us a glimpse of his Love through our babies!

Love 
Stephanie Andrea Ellison

STRUGGLE!

Hello Friends,

Today I found myself struggling!  My heart was heavy with many weighty things baring down on it.  Have you ever found yourself thinking about what it is you desire more than anything in the world?  That was me, Today. 

First, I want to say sorry...I do photography when I can and it is still a great passion in my life, but I no longer get to practice it as much as I would like because of other important things that capture my attention these days.  To those of you that I have expressed the desire to capture your beautiful moments and have not been able to I feel terrible.  I know that we have not set dates but I still feel terrible because I desire to do it and my intentions are pure, I just simply do not have that many hours in a day.  Please forgive me for expressing my desire and not making time to follow through.  

Second, I work for a wonderful company and I love what I do but there are some aspects I could surely do without...ie, PAPERWORK!  I struggle because I have a heart to help kids in the capacity of LOVING them and feel that I get so stressed about the paperwork that I suck at my job.  Kids deserve more than a stressed case worker...I am working hard to try and give that to them.  I know we all have our weaknesses and I am telling you...THIS paperwork thing is mine.  I feel like I never get away from it because I think about it at home during rest times and at the gym and during my quiet times.  I never leave it at work.  How in the world do we leave this stuff at work when we have audits, deadlines and supervisions and other things counting on it.  Please share this with me if you know. 

Third, I am finding myself doubting who I am.  Who am I?  If only there were perfect answers for this.  I do not feel that I FIT anywhere.  I feel like the outcast or the weird girl most of the time.  I do not understand why this bothers me.  I feel like a loner.  I am not the "chat with my girlfriends about everything" type and I am not the girl that has a close group of friends.  Sure I have many friends but not close to the heart spill your guts friends and I am bothered by this.  I believe we as humans desire this kind of fellowship and please don't get me wrong, I have been invited to go places and be around people, I just do not go I seem to find an excuse all the time.  A long time ago I would have jumped at the opportunity to get out and go but I have become a dormant creature with little social life.  I believe part of the reason may be because of my inability to understand my value. 


Fourth, my greatest desire is to inspire struggling children and families through motivational messages of the Gospel and singing praises of what the LORD has done in my life.  I have a CD coming out and I am terrified because it is all pulling together and I feel like a failure in so many other areas, I am afraid of failing at this too.  I allow myself to fear the unknown sometimes and I doubt things that I know I should not.  I have a problem with trying to pretend everything is okay in my life because I need to help others but I know if I am not vulnerable then I will be ineffective. 

Fifth, I have a wonderful supportive husband that I do not want to burden with all of these fears, so I thought I could burden you all so that this load could be disbursed between more than just him.  I am not looking for a pity party...I am simply sharing my honest heart in hopes to get it all out and feel clear again...(and maybe to receive a little encouragement here).  I know God is teaching me alot through this...one thing is for sure and I just want to be a woman of honesty, grace, and LOVE.   Thank you for your time in reading this mess and I would appreciate your prayers and advise.


Love Stephanie Ellison, MEd

Little Cowgirl Boots

As I stood in that parking lot of what seemed to be the grungiest building in the Big Country I just knew I was in the wrong place. I gazed up at the big words written above the entrance of the old high school building and noticed I was not only in the right place but we were to far out of town to turn back now. As I approached the front door with Abby, Emma and my Husband (who had a big smile on his face) I was honestly nervous. Nervous of what you may ask? Well I CAN’T dance and I just knew I was going to have to dance. I may be a musician but I have no rhythm when it comes to dancing around on a wooden floor. I hate dancing and I am terrible at following someone’s lead, just ask my husband. Anyway we walked in the front door passing through a tunnel of elderly people with bright smiles, seemingly ready to pinch the cheeks of our little people in pink cowboy boots. As we approached the front counter next to the 18th century coke machine I could not help but notice the basket of candy right on the corner of the table. This was not the modern favorites like Hershey’s or skittles but instead it was filled with butterscotch, cinnamon candies and you guessed it…peppermints. Right above the basket of candy was a lady collecting the cover charge. As this lady looked at me and I her I could not help but notice her very BIG very Hair sprayed hair and her blue and white flannel shirt. She softly said “it will be five dollars for you two and the six year old is a dollar and the little one is free. We handed her the money and she kindly said thank you and asked us to sign in. After we left the entrance of that hallway we walked through the door to an old wooden gym floor that had been transformed into the biggest dance floor I had ever seen. I must point out that my eyes started watering from the moment we walked in because of the horrific smell of a huge variety of musky old perfume these women were wearing. Anyway we walked in and I went straight to a seat and started praying I would be able to make the excuse that I needed to observe. As I looked around and pretended to be busy I noticed my husband was looking at me with his hand out as if to say “I did not drive all this way for you not to dance with me steph”. I hesitantly grabbed his hand and walked to the floor only to prove myself right by stepping all over his toes and the inability to follow the lead of my groom. The girls had a blast dancing and I loved watching Danny dance with them as well. I become aware of quite a few things that made me smile. One thing is certain and that is just because they have some years on us does not mean they can’t dance circles around us as far as energy goes. I had to get some water because I got dehydrated just watching them. They all had smiles on their faces and I soon began to understand their reason for wearing so much perfume, they did not want to smell bad from sweating, at least that is what I am conjuring in my own mind. Another observation I made was how the men treated their ladies like royalty. This is the kind of sweet royalty found in the sweet movies or love stories.held them tightly when they shuffled their feet across the huge wooden dance floor. to be cherishing every step they danced.er and her friend came and danced as well and showed me some moves and after we sat down they were approached by a ticked off old couple saying “that is our seat” with no smile or even a hint that it was just a simple mistake on our part. I noticed something rather unusual in a dance party kind of setting and that was that they had a pot luck dinner. Each brought when the band took a break everyone made their way to the old kitchen for a variety of food and many sweets. Our little people specifically liked the red jello and sprite. Everyone grabbed their plates of food and ate until the band returned for some line dancing fun. All of this to day I loved watching our little people dance in their little cowgirl boots!

That is How I Know He Speaks To Me

The other day I was driving to work and I noticed a lady at the street light waiting to walk across to the bus stop...This woman was average build with dark stringy hair bundled in clothes because it was cold enough to see your breath when you exhale.  As I passed her I noticed her head was down and she looked sad. As I passed I also felt God tug on my spirit...Go back and get her...Give her a ride.  This would not have been a problem if I had not promised my husband I would no longer pick up strangers...(Don't Ask)  Anyway I turned around at the next light and part of me was hoping the bus had already come because I did not want to be a disobedient wife...but when I got there she was there so I rolled down my window and said ma'am can I give you a ride somewhere?  With a grateful voice she said yes that would be nice of you.  I unlocked the door and let her in and asked "where are you going?"  "I am going to the hospital" she replied.  I looked at her and said "what is wrong?"  She replied "I have pneumonia and I cannot breath".  I looked over at her again and noticed that she looked familiar...What is your name?  "R---" I looked at her in shock "R---"!  It has been almost eight months since I have seen you!  How have you been?  With excitement she said I stopped using drugs and came to see you at your work a few months ago but you were at school...I wanted to tell you!  I also got my own apartment...and I will graduate with my vet tech license in April!  I was so excited for her...She looked so good!  I told her that I would love to go to her graduation.  See R--- is a woman whom I have prayed for many times throughout the last three years.  She looked healthier than she had before and she even fixed her hair and put on some makeup.  The whole moral of this story is I did not go back on my word to my husband and I reunited with a friend whom I had been praying for to be healed by the LORD!  This is how I know He speaks to me...that little tug that made me turn around and offer one act of kindness!
Love You R---!   

I Love our Girls

Emma was hanging out with me again this morning playing a matching game and winning while I got ready for work "oh the joys of being a kiddo...all play no work"!  Than when we got into the car and started going to her school I turned on the radio to AIR1 of course and the song that goes "Lift your hands up high were singing wo-o-wo-o-o-wo-o-wo-o-o"  I looked in the mirror and her hands were up in the air and she was singing while her little head was bobbing to the beat!  It is so cute to see that little four year old singing to Jesus!  She is amazing!  I love my family!

 

SNOW

Abby Emma and I decided to go outside and build a snowgirl after I got off work the other day!  We had so much fun.  Abby and Emma would run across the field and sing songs to me as I rolled the little snowball to them.  I had fun watching them watch me...sigh.  Did anyone know it was so hard to build a snowgirl.  How in the world do people make these giant six feet tall snowmen?  I did good just to get a little three footer maybe.  Anyway it was so fun spending the evening with the girls while daddy cooked dinner..."he didn't want to get cold"!  He is amazing.  After we dressed Lilly the Snowgirl in her hat shades and scarf we had to give her a smile.  Abby said "we should make a smile out of yellow paper"  I thought that was a great idea.  I got the paper and cut out a mouth, paper-clipped it in and she was the prettiest snowgirl ever oh and we can't forget the star earrings!!! Let us know what you think!

Intentions...

If I act on the feelings that I hold inside of me I would be acting as a fool.  If someone feels the need to hurt you should you allow that hurt to penetrate a seed of bitterness?  If you do allow the wrong someone else has committed against you to hurt, should you let it be known that you are hurting when people ask?  If not, is it prideful to pretend that everything is okay when you do not feel it is?   Would you agree that all people are different and that we all internalize things differently?  We all respond to pain differently?  The bible said to consider it joy when you face trials yet it feels so fake to do that in other peoples timing because it also said there is a time for everything, like grieving.  I am grieving...I do not want to make others look bad but deep inside I feel rejected and my heart is aching with grief and disappointment.  Why should I be expected to just be okay with everything just because of who I am...I know that I am not allowing anyone to know what is going on if you are reading this but WHY am I expected to just let it go and forget that it hurts?  I am just wondering...if your intentions were not to hurt me why do you seem not to care that I am hurting?